Scientists discovered some things which must be said when you’re fighting with your lover:
You don’t have to help me with anything, I just want to talk with you
This is the best answer when he says that you are complaining too much. In this way you let him know that you just want someone to listen to you.
Please, try to understand my point of view
One of the first things that disappear is emphatia. The more accusations are done, less you think about the other’s feelings. Try these phrases to come to better feelings.
This thing is important to me. Please listen to me!
Most of the time we just seam to be listening to the other when actually we are thinking what to reply him. In this case use this phrase to attract his attention.
I know I’m also guilty.
The easiest way to fight more is to blame the other for everything. Nobody wants to be known as the Problem-Man. Admit your blame, even if it is little and you’ll be a step forward to make it up to him.
You always deviate the discussion
You start the fight from who washed the dishes the last time and you end by fighting about something else. The reclamation list seems to never end up. Use the phrase above to return to the main subject.
It’s not just your problem, it’s our problem
This can change the discussion dynamic from “you vs. him” to “you and him vs. the problem”.
Why are we actually fighting?
Little discontents can hide a bigger problem especially if fights are frequent and have the same subject. Think about the things that really make you unhappy.
Let’s take a break for a few minutes
How many ugly things haven’t you said when you let the emotions overwhelm you. In the end you regretted, isn’t it? If you feel you will say something painful take a break. You will be surprised how fast fury passes.
I love you!
Nothing distracts more the attentions than the three words above. In this way, you help the other remember that some strong feelings bind you and that fight is necessary only in order to make it up with him.
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